Yesterday was another very difficult day for me. My sister Crystal argued with me a lot and I had a conversation with my mom where I ended up in tears when we talked about how angry Crystal was and I told my mom "I just can't do this without her".
Although for my own health and well being I had resigned myself to the fact that I may have to do this without the support of the most important person in my life I now no longer have to.
I have gained the most amazing support system of 'friends' that I don't even know. That may sound ridiculous but I feel like the Lighter Me family of past patients, upcoming patients, coordinators and even the surgeon himself have become like family already. I have received some of the most amazing support and have been inundated with so many personal stories of encouragement and success that I feel as if I personally know all of these people now. They respond to all of my questions and concerns and posts with information and the feeling of genuine care for my success and well being since they are all on the same path. We walk this road together.
My mom and my boyfriend are supportive of my decision. They understand the reasons for my choice and know that I have researched things extensively. They ask me questions and are genuinely interested to get more information so they too can be informed, even though I know that they too are terrified just like my sister.
After all of the screaming and horrible things that were said by my sister and how alone and scared I was starting to feel (even with all of this newfound support) there was a break through. I received a simple message from her this morning telling me "hey I will support you btw I am just scared shitless!"
After receiving that message we talked and cried and talked a lot more. She finally asked me questions without the judgement and anger in her voice and I could hear that she was finally understanding where I was coming from and why I need to do this. She of course is still scared and still says she wishes I was doing this locally so she could be with me, but she is now willing to support me.
When I woke up this morning feeling deflated and physically sick to my stomach over our fighting I never expected the day to take this kind of a turn. I contacted the coordinator looking for more detailed information about the surgeon and his success/complication rate as well as information about his credentials. I contacted an insurance company to look into medical tourism insurance in case 'i die' while I'm there and my body needs to be returned to Canada....no lie. And I talked to various people who reassured me about their personal experiences including (of all people) american nurses and even insurance agents that didn't even purchase insurance for themselves lol.
For all of the support I have found and all of the reassurances that have revived my confidence in my decision I could never be truly at peace with this decision without her support.
I feel as if I can breathe now.
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