Spans across/through/between posts #18 - #20 - F45 Journey

My friend Sia, like me, had struggled with her weight most of her adult life and she was another one who, like me, had tried everything.....other than putting in the "hard work" cause I mean who the fuck really "wants" to work at it right???

She had started doing Crossfit and eventually found this place called F45 and had been going there for over a year at that point. I had been watching her progress and she had lost a ton of weight and really loved it there.

I was still skeptical that it would do anything for me and I had lost the majority of the weight I wanted to lose but did still have SOME eight left to take off and now wanted to tone and get stronger more than anything.

In January 2022, I decided to do a free one-week trial at F45 Blackmud Creek where Sia and Ben had been going. 

The classes were at 530am and I went to the first one with Sia and Ben on Monday, January 3, 2022 – Redline. 

For those that have never been Redline is not so affectionately called DEADLINE and everyone was surprised that I went to that as my first ever class and more so that I actually came back…….They joked about how horrible Sia was for not warning me about Deadline and she said "well I figured if she does Deadline and actually comes back, then there is NOTHING that can stop her"........she was right.

 

I decided before the first free trial week was even done that I was joining. It’s crazy expensive but somehow, someway I instantly found a place I enjoyed going …..with people that immediately treated me like family and pushed me and spurred me on and made me want to actually drag my ass in there at 5:30 in the fuckin morning each day and was therefore willing to fork over the dough. 

 

I was diligent and for the first while I was going 5-6 days a week. I had some old injuries and so some things I couldn’t yet do or I had to modify and that was fine. 

The trainers were amazing and always helping me look for ways I could modify certain things. 

The owner Ali was only there once in a while but was so nice, I loved her instantly.

 

The head trainer Susie was this tiny little gorgeous model like blonde thing. Sweetest chick ever and so encouraging and amazing. She has her own fitness business outside of this and runs that as well.

The other trainers were Christie, Charity, Ana, Deanne, Emily and Kat who were all just unbelievable in their own ways and I loved them all.

L-R: Charity, Christie, Kat, Susie, Deanne, Emily & Ali

I joined the challenges almost immediately with the first one being in January just after I joined. 

You get weighed in and do your body measurements and then you go hard core on the workouts and healthy eating etc. for the entire time of the challenge and then get re-measured/weighed etc at the end to see any changes.

 

By March 2022 I had completed my 50^th class and by the end of June I had completed over 100 classes. That’s 100+ classes in 6 months!! 

 

In late June, I managed to finally do box jumps…..box jumps are something I had avoided at all costs due to an old injury….and to the tremendous fear of falling on my face in front of everyone. What I didn’t realize was Kat was watching me do it and when I landed the first she never said a word, when I landed the second she lost her bloody mind and started taping and screaming and so literally the whole gym stopped to watch me do another and another. They all stopped doing their own workouts to yell and scream and clap and run over to high five me. The emotions I felt…….I can’t even describe that day to you. 

Our "home" is closing.......

Unfortunately only about two weeks later on July 18, 2022, we got a devastating email from the owners Ali and Trevor advising that the studio was closing and the last class would be that Wednesday, July 20, 2022. Covid had wrecked many people’s businesses and livelihoods and theirs was no exception they simply couldn’t make it work anymore. 

 

We all went to that last few classes and we cried and commiserated. This WAS OUR FAMILY. We didn’t know what to do next but knew that we HAD TO stay together. 

 

Moving on........where do we go???

Sia started reaching out to other F45’s starting with Windermere to tell them what was going on and see if they would take us on, honouring the cost we had been paying. Although expensive it was still cheaper than other F45s……they agreed

 

Coming full circle I went to my first class at Windermere with my “family” on Monday July 25,^, 2022, and appropriately it was Deadline again bahahaha. 

 

They have a head trainer Joel, which meant Susie would NOT be coming with us and of course we understood that but it made us sad. 

 

Christie and Kat were both offered jobs at Walker Lakes F45 so we would be losing them but thankfully Charity and Deanna were both offered coaching positions at Windermere so that meant we would at least see them. 

 

I can’t say I’ve really lost weight per se but I have 100% changed my body – clothes fit differently, I feel stronger. 

 

In July 2022 I decided to have my wedding dress “preserved” in a box so it wouldn’t get wrecked. I remember trying it on one last time before it got boxed up and although I was weighing in a few pounds heavier than when we got married the dress was almost falling off me – so much looser in the mid-section and the boobs so it was easy in that moment to tell that the scale is not always the indication you should go by (I know they say that but it’s hard to stay off the scale and ignore the weight when you’ve been bred to believe the scale is what matters your whole life)…….anyways, I weighed more but overall I had “shrunk” lol.

 

From July 25, 2022 to May 2, 2023 we have all faithfully worked out at Windermere and our family, for the most part (minus a few coaches) has remained intact. 

 

One thing that started in 2023 were my headaches started getting much worse again and cardio days set them off big time so I stopped doing the cardio days and was only doing strength days but that’s what I loved anyways so I was okay with it.

 

I am trying EVERYTHING for the headaches – massage, chiropractor, physiotherapy, medications, blood work, a catscan of my brain to ensure there was nothing major going on (there wasn’t thank god), stretching…..I have asked for a referral to a neurologist and am waiting (impatiently) on that.

What in the actual fuck??? Again????

Anyways……..May 2^nd it was announced that Windermere would now be closing ad the final day of classes would be May 6^th. Of course we were all upset, blindsided and heartbroken. We didn’t want to go through this again. 

 

Everyone immediately went into action mode – checking out Movati, a nearby gym or various cross fit locations…..trying ton determine what do we WANT to do and what CAN we potentially do where some of us can stay together. 

 

Movati was offering a “deal” but only for a few more days. A few people jumped on that immediately. 

 

Sia once more took the reins and contacted Man Made Crossfit on the southside here to see if they could give us a demo day, they agreed to do one on Sunday, May 7^th. 

 

A bunch of us showed up. Now to say that I almost died feels like an understatement. I seriously fucked up my elbow doing a “snatch” and the majority of the session was cardio and because it’s pairs I was pushing so hard that I got a massive migraine, almost puked and Krista (my partner) MADE ME sit out halfway through which is when I was so frustrated and angry I started crying. 

Later on Sunday, we got the email from F45 that the owners are in talks with a potential investor and as such the doors would remain open for two more weeks (up to May 21) while they sort through things. 

 

Tuesday the 9^th I went to strength at F45 and was super excited it was open and I was back but quickly realized my elbow was MUCH worse than I had thought it was so then couldn’t go back at all until I sorted that out. I’ve been seeing massage and chiro trying to fix it. 

 

Meanwhile we have lost a bunch of members that went to Movati and Sia and Ben decided to move on to Man Made Crossfit where we did our demo day, so only a few of the original folks are now left and I haven’t heard from any of them. It’s sad and I feel like my “family” is now gone. I am quickly losing my motivation. 

 

May 21^st Joel emailed to advise everyone that F45 would be remaining open. I told him I have been off due to my injury and that I have surgery coming up June 7^th and will need to put my account on hold from June 7 to July 19^th at which point I can come back. 

 

Sigh…….the motivation is less and less and now with the injury and then my surgery where I have to be off……I guess I need to determine next steps for me after July 19^th........

#19.....Next Steps in the Loose Skin Saga......

Dr. Edwards Consultation

On January 23, 2023, I head down to the mall for my plastic surgery consultation. I truly say that flippantly as I still find this hilarious.

I park at WalMart and head into the mall and wonder if this is like hillbilly surgery…..come on down to “the mall” and we’ll cut ya open…..need some bandages or Tylenol after the procedure we have WalMart and Safeway right here for ya…….

 

Okay back to the overview here…….first things first, these fuckers could give you some better directions as I have apparently come in at the complete opposite side of the entire ,all so walk from one end to the other before finding it. Sigh. 

 

Once I get to the office I grab an Abdominoplasty brochure in the waiting area and settle in for some reading. I don’t get very far before they call me in.

 

I sit and wait in one of the medical rooms and in walks Dr. Edwards….. I shall give you his bio now in case you care:

 

Dr. David Edwards attended medical school at the University of Alberta, graduating in 1983. He then did a Rotating Internship in Ohio at the St. Thomas Hospital Medical Center. Following this, he completed his training in Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery at the University of Alberta, obtaining his Fellowship (FRCSC) in 1988.

 

Dr. Edwards next undertook a Cosmetic Surgery Fellowship at the Cosmetic Surgery Hospital in Woodbridge Ontario in 1989. He then returned to his hometown of Edmonton, where he began practice in 1989.

 

He presently practices at the University of Alberta Hospital, the Misericordia Hospital, and the Meadowlark Surgical Centre & Cosmetic Clinic. He is, Associate Clinical Professor in the Department of Surgery at the University of Alberta.

Dr. Edwards is a member of numerous societies, including the Alberta Medical Association, the Canadian Society of Plastic Surgeons, and MANUS (The Canadian Society for Surgery of the Hand), GAM (The Canadian Microsurgery Society), the Canadian Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, the Northwest Society of Plastic Surgeons, and Fellow of the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada.

 

So first thing I notice is he sits down and asks me what I’m interesting in….what am I looking for…..what are my issues (so to speak) and he seems to genuinely be listening and caring. 

 

When I’m done with all my explanations he asks me to undo my pants so he can take a look at my stomach and says oh yes we can totally get this taken care of for you. 

 

He explains to me what the procedure looks like:

1.     They make an incision across your lower abdomen above the pubic hairline. 

2.     The skin is then “lifted” off the deep muscle layer of the abdomen as far up as the ribs. 

3.     The belly button remains where it is just kinda dangling and hanging around waiting to be repositioned……..wait…..WHATTTTTT? What do you mean it dangles and will be repositioned?? how is that possible….I mean my belly button seems pretty well ensconced in its place sir. He tries to explain to my feeble mind that he cuts really delicate incisions around my whole belly button essentially cutting it “loose” from the other skin that will be removed and so then it’s just dangling and hanging out for the time being in its same location but it is no longer “attached” to all of the surround skin. 

4.     The abdominal muscles under the skin that was lifted (mentioned in step 2) are then repaired essentially by stitching them together toward the centre to “tighten” them.

5.     The skin is all pulled downward and all the extra fat/skin is removed from the bottom

6.     A new little hole is cut into the now flattened leftover skin where my belly button was before/will again be now and the belly button that’s just been hanging out up until this point is kind of “popped through” the newly designed belly button hole. 

7.     They stitch up around this little belly button hole to get my belly button settled in its new place and then stitch up the top skin and the bottom skin (now pulled together after the excess was removed) down along the lower abdomen under the bikini line. 

 

Here is a photo and below that a video that both helped me understand it a bit better.

Link to: Abdominoplasty Procedure Video 

 

My additional questions:

• I ask about the recovery – how long will I be off work? He says typically 3-4 weeks depending on how physical your work is. I said I sit at a desk all day and he says then probably about 3 weeks but of course it will all be dependent on how you’re healing of course and to keep in mind that although I sit at a desk, sitting still, upright for 7.5 hours a day may/will be uncomfortable for a while.

• What about the gym? He says probably about 6 weeks or so. 

• I ask about the cost of course and he say “the costs for the Abdominoplasty is $10,000 plus tax. Some doctors are more, some are less, this is just what I charge”…….he said it in a way that made me feel surprisingly comfortable with the cost. Like he’s saying yeah there may totally be people that are cheaper and by all means you can go check them out……but you get what you pay for…….but there are also people that are far more and I am not out to gouge people so…….it is what it is, check things out and you do you lol

 

After answering all of my questions and having made me feel so comfortable, I leave and the next day I contact his surgical booking person Dale and say okay I’m ready to go…..what do you need from me.......LET'S DO THIS!!!!

 

Post Consultation

Dale asks when I am interested in having the surgery. I have been thinking this through and there are a few considerations:

-      I can’t get ANY time off work between now (January) and the end of April to mid-May as this is our NO time off time because we’re so busy……so no way I can be off for 3-4 weeks. 

-      We’re going to Disneyworld on September 23^rd so I want to be done and healed before that.

-      I want to give myself as much time as possible to heal before Disney but also know I can’t take a bunch of time off until at least mid-May I think well let’s push it to the beginning of June……I will have some nice weather to sit in the yard recuperating and then should be healed up by the end of June/beginning of July…..long before Disney. 

-      I check in with Mom and Sean to see…..If I was to go with Wednesday, June 7^th, can the two of them coordinate to take Wednesday to Friday off to assist me for those first few days (help with the dogs, feed me, run me to my appointments)……yep they can…….okay……so I tell Dale we will go with Wednesday, June 7^th.

Dale sends me some paperwork:

-      Standard agreements

-      Deposit info (need to pay $500 with the remainder due 2 weeks before surgery)

-      Lab requisition for bloodwork and a ECG that needs to be done prior to surgery

-      Medical report my family doctor has to complete and send back prior to surgery

-      Pre-operative instructions

-      Post-operative instructions 

 

I called Dale with my credit card number for the deposit and then it’s on the books and we are good to go. 

Dog Ears

Huh......what the fuck am I talking abut dog ears for in a post for a tummy tuck??? Okay so after my consultation I was talking to my sister about it and she mentioned our friend who had it done ended up with Dog Ears and needed a second surgery to correct that and I should ask whether it's included IF it's needed. 

Turns out Dog Ears are a common side effect of tummy tucks and occur when there is excess skin left at the ends of the incision line creating a small fold of skin resembling a dog ear. 

They can be particularly noticeable when you are standing or sitting as they tend to bunch up and create a bulge. 

I did  follow up with Dale to ask if after surgery any revisions were needed to correct any issues from the first surgery if this was covered? I mentioned the friend who ended up with the “dog ears” on the sides and her surgeon covered it and fixed it up for her. 

Dale advised that yes typically any revisions necessary from the original surgery are covered. IF AHC changes the rules, that could change what is covered, but as of when she advised me they had no indication that any revision surgeries would be de-insured. You do need to wait a minimum of 3-6 months post-op before any revisions would be considered to ensure all swelling has gone down etc. 

So just a thought to ask about this with your surgeon. 

I'll have further posts explaining more about how I prepped, things I looked into and found out beforehand, things I bought to make life easier while recuperating etc. 

 

#18 - Next steps…….What to do with all this skin......

For the past few years I have been having more issues with the loose skin I have from my weight loss. 

The skin hanging under my belly over my groin area (the “gunt” or “gunny sack” or apron or whatever lovely name you know it by) will at times leave me with rashes in my groin or even open sores when stretch marks in my groin area “tear open”. Also at times my belly button tears on the sides which is super painful. 

 

Any/all of these things typically happen following heavier work out sessions where I’m moving a lot and bouncing around – so more so cardio but I find it can happen at any time for any/no reason as well.

Coverage by Alberta Health Care 

I had reached out to Dr. Toy’s office (“THE” plastic surgeon in Edmonton if you know anything about plastic surgery in Edmonton) in September 2016 to ask about a consultation as I had lost a significant amount of weight and was interested in a Panni.

(Note: A Panni……official name panniculectomy is an operative procedure used for abdominal wall contouring, changing the shape and form of the abdomen by removing significant excess skin and subcutaneous adipose tissue from the tummy area. This procedure is performed on patients with a large overhanging abdominal panniculus.

 

His office replied to advise me I had to have my Doctor send in a referral and it was a TWO YEAR waiting list at that point. Well what in the actual fuck……..

 

Okay so left that alone and forgot about it for a while……..

 

For some reason – I am not that bright – I reached out to Dr. Toy’s office again (not sure why I didn’t look up other doctors, maybe thinking since it had been some time (4 years) the process would be different now, or maybe I forgot it was his office I reached out to the first time, who knows) in  July 2020 to ask again about a consultation and again his office replied to advise me I had to have my Dr. send in a referral and it was a TWO YEAR waiting list STILL at that point. 

 

This time I approached my doc with the info and background I know of…….I told him the following: 

As you know I’ve lost about 90 lbs since my weight loss surgery and I am having issues with the excess skin. I’m getting rashes and tearing and it’s painful. 

 

I am aware that after significant weight loss Alberta Health Care may cover a panniculectomy which is an operative procedure used for abdominal wall contouring, changing the shape and form of the abdomen by removing significant excess skin and subcutaneous adipose tissue from the tummy area. This procedure is performed on patients with a large overhanging abdominal panniculus. 

 

I know this requires a doctor’s referral and was hoping you could refer me. 

 

He said well yeah you’re right…..who would you like to see? Again at this point being not that bright and not having researched any other doctors but knowing Dr. Toy is like “the best” or some shit like that I said Dr. Toy and he said okay I will send in the referral. 

 

And I'm stillllllllll waiting...........

Fast forward at least a year and a half and I am sick and tired of waiting as I haven’t heard a word since I asked for the referral. I would like to think that my doctor DID in fact actually do the referral (and did not forget or drop the ball) but that Dr. Toy is just an overpaid asshole with a giant waiting list and so there STILL is no openings.  

 

From the reading I’ve done while waiting, it appears that the Panni usually is for body contouring and to remove the pannus – the apron of skin hanging in the lower abdomen, under your belly button and this typically does not do much to fix any loose skin or ab issues above the belly button. Because I have excess skin hanging over my belly button and below this is more in line with a Tummy Tuck (official name: Abdominoplasty) where they tighten the abdominal muscles and get rid of the extra fat, skin, and tissue both below and above the belly button. 

 

Again from what I have read SOME doctors will do the procedure and charge a portion to AHC as a Panni and then the patient pays additional money to have the abdominal repair for above the belly button at the same time. Some doctors will NOT do anything in addition to the Panni and then you end up with a very odd looking stomach…….blah blah blah……..so many weird things and questions etc. 

 

At this point it’s about October 2022 (can’t remember exact dates) and I decided that because I had a decent savings account and “could” potentially afford to pay for this I wanted to start taking matters into my own hands and start researching more so I could get some informed answers and potentially move forward rather than continuing to wait….and wait…….and wait. 

 

Researching Surgeons……

So when I start researching surgeons there are some names that pop up more routinely with amazing reviews and on lots of posts, blogs, plastic surgery websites etc. These are Dr. Toy, Dr. Chong, Dr. Edwards and Dr. Giuffre, so I start checking things out…….

Dr. Jonathon Toy 

Remember I had reached out twice to ask about consult and was advised I needed the doctor’s referral. Well now that I was considering moving forward with paying I looked into it again as he really is one of the most “renowned” surgeons in Edmonton with a million amazing reviews and everyone seems to think he’s God. 

 

Anyways I go to his site and get this…….the fucker charges a $100 (plus tax) consultation fee just to talk to you about it…..and this fee is NOT deducted from the final surgery fee. I am sorry but the simple fact that on top of the $10-20k surgery you also have to be so petty as to charge me $100 for ½ an hour of your time just to tell me about the potential surgery…….I was instantly like, I am done with you……God or not. 

 

Dr. Feng Chong

So this guy is another one that is insanely highly rated. I call his office to ask about a consultation and they ask a bunch of questions and they get to the “do you smoke/vape” question and I am honest and say I quit smoking years ago but yes I currently vape, a very low mg amount but I do. 

 

They advise me that Dr. Chong will not even see me for a consultation until I have been smoke/vape free for a minimum of a year before the CONSULT even happens (not the surgery but the consult)……..okay fuck you too……next……

 

Dr. Edwards

Dr. Edwards is next and seems to have lots of accolades and when I had asked my friend Cyndi who she went to she had previously told me her surgeon was not taking patients but Dr. Edwards was and he was supposed to be really good…….so online endorsements and Cyndi’s suggestion……both looking good.

 

Dr. Edwards works out of Meadowlark Health Centre. Ummmmmmm okay this dude works out of a mall???? 

 

After doing some more searching I realize that Dr. Edwards, Giuffre as well as another few surgeons (Dr. Korus and Dr. Adil) all work out of there and that Meadowlark which used to be a “mall” now still has a Walmart and Safeway but otherwise is entirely made up of medical offices and facilities and has for many MANY years so I guess it’s not “as” weird as I am thinking it is lol. 

 

I call and they are booked through the end of the year but ask a bunch of questions and set me up with a consultation with Dr. Edwards for January 23, 2023.

Dr. Giuffre

I call for a consult with Dr. Giuffrie and they advise he is also booked through the remainder of the year and they don’t yet have his schedule for the new year so to call back closer to December and they would schedule me in. (Note: I called back and got a tentative consultation date in March 2023).

 

 

 

 

 

#17 - The Wedding Dress(es)

Quite some time before Sean proposed to me I bought a wedding dress lol. Walking down the street in Vancouver with work friends I saw a dress in the window, went in and tried it on and it was so pretty. 

 

I thought, I love this and it’s only $500 and I assume he will be proposing soon so hey why not…….

 

If he doesn’t then I get rid of the dress…….and him lmao

 

Well he finally proposed on Christmas day 2017. 

We knew we wanted to get married in Mexico so we started planning so we could give family and friends as much notice as possible to allow them to save up to attend so we planned it for May 2019. 

 

When I started planning I still assumed I would use my pretty dress I had and it was light and airy and would be perfect for the extreme heat and humidity of Mexico. 

However when I tried it on again, sadly I was no longer sold........hmmmmmm.

 

I don’t know what changed but I no longer felt the same about the dress so I knew I needed to look around, but trust me I had ZERO desire to. Even though I've lost weight I do not "enjoy" shopping like most ladies so wedding dress shopping was not an exciting prospect for me.  

 

My best friend was coming to spend Christmas with us in December 2018 so perfect timing to check out David’s Bridal with her and my sister so I could look for a dress and they could look for their bridesmaid dresses.

 

December 27, 2018, we go to the appointment and lo and behold when I am about to give up and say "fuck this noise I have a dress and none of these have been better than that one", I try on literally “ONE LAST FUCKIN DRESS” (I may have actually said that I think) and when I came out of the room the looks on their faces and the tears in their eyes made me go look in the mirror and shit……well I was done, I started crying.......and I said yes to the dress and never looked back. 

 

I was sitting at about 150 lbs at this point so still 83 lbs down from where I started before surgery.

 

The dress would need some alternations and I found an amazing local place to do them and worked with her closer to the date to go back and forth for fittings and check ins.   

 

In March 2019, I went back to pick up my dress and I have never felt more like a princess (well except maybe on the actual wedding day). I felt to absolutely beautiful and was then more sure than ever this dress was made to be worn by me and that I had made the right decision getting a different dress. 

 

On May 15, 2019, on a 30+ degree day in the Mayan Riviera when I put that dress on and came walking down the aisle I have never felt more beautiful (and disgustingly hot lol) in my entire life. 

 

FYI I am STILL trying to sell that first dress. I put it down to as low as $100 and no takers so I even tried donating it to an organization and they weren't taking any more.....sigh......Might have to turn it into some kind of expensive halloween costume one day. 

#16 - Wow, what's it been, like 2 years? Well Shiiiiiit son.......

Obviously I stopped posting long ago but I feel I should post again.....well really I feel I never should have stopped.




Maybe because I've become too comfortable with being able to eat small portions of whatever the fuck I want, maybe because we forget over time that this is supposed to be about a change in your life not just an easy fix but whatever the reason I've gained some weight back.




In January 2015 I started this journey at 233 lbs. and by 10 months later (November 2015) I was down to 141 lbs. That's a difference of 92 lbs. people.

 

A hilarious NSV (non scale victory) I have to share was when I went to Costco and the cashier looked at the picture on my card, looked at me, looked at the picture, looked at me.....and then the conversation went like this:

Her: sorry you can't use someone else's card

Me: oh no this is my card.......

**Awkward Silence ensues**

Her....finally....: Oh, doesn't look like you at all

Me: yeah I had weight loss surgery and I've lost a lot of weight

Her: oh......yeah.....ummm......wow....you need a new picture

You want to remember these fun things......document them, take note. They make you feel amazing about yourself and they are what you will want to look back on down the road if you ever need some motivation to get back on track. This and photos, take lots and lots of photos, both before (even though I know you don't want to) and lots as you get smaller!

My list of NSV's in the last 2 years - those I can easily remember but I'm sure there's more.......hence why I say document this shit!!:

• I can comfortably cross my legs when I sit
• I can sit with my legs crossed (folded) under me like a little kid at the movie theatre
• My shorts I bought in Australia in 2004 that haven't fit me since then when I finally tried them on again were way to big for me and I had to get rid of them
• My little black dress I bought many years ago finally fits and looks amazing btw
• For the first time in my life, I can totally rock short hair
• I have gone from an XL/XXL to a medium and from a size 20/22 to a 10.......one pair of pants I have is even a freakin 6
• I don't sweat just trying on clothes any more
• I went to Mexico in November and actually bought myself.....and wore, a bikini top with my board shorts
• Was actually called "A bag of bones"......not sure if I should have been offended but I was like "Fuck yeah, thank you!!"
• Have been told numerous times at stores that I'm "Slim" and that I'm grabbing sizes that are way too big for me.......it really IS a huge mind shift when you're used to grabbing XXL or size 22 and all of a sudden you're getting M/L or 10/12 and having to ask them to bring you even smaller stuff
• My dad (who was always worried about my weight and health) told me how proud he was of me and how healthy I was looking
• I was finally able to fit into beautiful knee high boots that weren't wide calf.....now I own three pairs of stunning knee high boots
• Finally fulfilled my goal of one day owning "Silver Jeans"......yes they make them in bigger sizes but I was determined to own them in a smaller size before I ever forked out that much money for them.
• I can now shop at the stores that I used to call the small girl stores and was secretly envious of
• I said hi to my old boss and he didn't recognize me
• My own Aunt didn't even recognize me at my Dad's funeral

Ahhh yes, now we get to the point when I started gaining again......Dad and Dad's funeral.

You might remember from earlier posts that my Dad had Cancer. Well he ended up making the decision to have his bladder and prostate removed to try to get rid of the cancer that was there but unfortunately it didn't work and the cancer was extremely aggressive and metastasized and shortly after his surgery he went downhill really fast and passed away in December 2015.

So as I mentioned I was down to my lowest of 141 lbs. by November 2015 and by that point I started spending a lot of time with Dad as his surgery was coming up and then both in and out of hospitals and then on December 2, 2015, the hardest day in my life so far, he passed.

This was a blow, but not only did I have to deal with that but a month later in January 2016 my Grama (his mom) passed as well.

Then a few month's later in May 2016 my dad's amazing girlfriend of many year's, Rachel,  passed..........

.........and in June my uncle passed of a degenerative disease he had been battling for quite some time

Then to top all of the heartache off, on August 1, 2016 my cat Moo, my constant companion of 19 years passed.

That's a lot of death and heartache in 8 months. Anyone who knows me knows that I am NO stranger to death......I added it up recently and stopped counting when I got lost at 26 family members and close friends that have passed in my life, so trust me when I say I'm not a stranger to it, but these ones hit me especially hard. Like pretty much tore me apart.

This would be about when my weight started rising.....shocker eh? One death after the other and I was back to smoking cigarettes and eating whatever the fuck was in front of me. I wasn't smoking a LOT per se but whenever I was away from the house I would smoke, so at work, out with friends, out in my car driving around. Anyways I was at about 5-7 per day and was taking Wellbutrin daily to combat the desire to smoke. It was working as I wasn't smoking a full pack a day or anything but really? Did I want to be taking Wellbutrin every day for the rest of my life just so I could continue to smoke those 5-7 smokes per day? No.

So, now 5 weeks ago I went and saw a psychotherapist regarding the smoking. A friend saw him and he hypnotized her and voila she's cured so he could do the same for me right? Well I went and saw him and apparently I'm way more of a fuckin mess than her cause no hypnotherapy for me and a whole whack of follow up appointments booked but hey, let's see if it helps right?.......I mean I always did know I was a mess lmao........

Well just before that first appointment I smoked the last one I had in my pack and after that first appointment where I left in tears and feeling like shit (why did I go back you may ask?) I didn't stop and buy any and now I have been smoke free for 5 weeks yesterday.......37 whole days man. They say a habit can be broken in 21 days so maybe I'm on my way. I just have to remember I did quit once before....for 3 years and was still dumb enough to start again so I have to remember that and not even have that one drag when I'm stressed next time.

Okay but back to the eating........so I'm now eating whatever the fuck I want and smoking and now all of a sudden I'm NOT smoking so I'm eating EVEN MORE of whatever the fuck I want. Of course I couldn't eat much at a time so I didn't really give a thought to the fact that it wasn't healthy but really Penny? Dairy Milk (mmmmmmm) and Ruffles (oh Ruffles are my favourite), and those little dinner rolls (oh god those are so good)......see where I'm going with this?

I couldn't eat a lot at a time but for some reason even though things like rice I can't tolerate more than 2 or 3 spoonful's in a sitting before I want to puke, the Dairy Milk and chips, my little Sleeve Austin (my tummy) it seems can handle in immense proportions. I'm also back to mindlessly drinking whenever I eat, oh and I drink pop......diet but still.....remember pop in any form is a big no no because of the carbonation. Well once you're two years out and can stomach everything again and are having some shitty months where everyone is dying you don't really give a shit at the time and absolutely anything AND EVERYTHING starts going back into your feed hole and you completely forget that at one point you were 233 lbs. Or I should say I didn't EVER forget being that big but it just seemed like I couldn't possibly ever get back to that point now right? So what does it matter?

Well little by little the weight started to come back until last week at 151 lbs...... yep that's 10 lbs. gained.......so TWO of these blobs of fat she's holding above........I decided enough was enough.

I've been doing some research on the Keto Diet. If you haven't heard of it, it's essentially what we are already supposed to eat (high protein, low carb) but you also throw in high fat whereas with our surgery moderate fat is recommended.

Post Surgery Diet Recommendations:

Protein: 100 grams

Fat: 25-50 grams

Carbs: 30-50 grams

Keto Diet Calculated Recommendations:

Protein: 73 grams

Fat: 72 grams

Carbs: 25 grams

 

So you see, higher fats and lower carbs. You can eat higher protein and higher fats and adjust them individually up or down as needed as long as you don't go up in carbs.

Okay so maybe it's a fad, who knows, but it's one that is taking HUNDREDS of pounds off of people and fairly quickly.

In theory I have 21 lbs. I would like to lose so I'm going to work on this way of eating for a while and see how it goes. Essentially it's getting rids of sugars and bad carbs in order to just eat healthier overall.

Ketogenic Diet

Day 1: Monday was a bust I'll admit. I did amazing all day and then when I got home, while making dinner I went in the pantry and ate two granola bars and some rice.......ummmmmm take 2 tomorrow......

Day 2: Tuesday. Hmmmmm today was actually good, I wasn't super hungry like I normally am although I drank SO MUCH water that I literally peed every half hour all day. But I know from experience that this will lessen so I just have to keep at it.

Day 3: Wednesday (Today): So far so good. I feel full, not hungry and AM eating foods I like, chicken, eggs, bacon, celery with peanut butter mmmmmmm.

Okay let's see how this goes. I know I'm strong, mind over matter baby.....no smoking for 37 days now and a new way of eating to get myself back on track.

I CAN DO THIS.............