Maybe because I've become too comfortable with being able to eat small portions of whatever the fuck I want, maybe because we forget over time that this is supposed to be about a change in your life not just an easy fix but whatever the reason I've gained some weight back.
In January 2015 I started this journey at 233 lbs. and by 10 months later (November 2015) I was down to 141 lbs. That's a difference of 92 lbs. people.
A hilarious NSV (non scale victory) I have to share was when I went to Costco and the cashier looked at the picture on my card, looked at me, looked at the picture, looked at me.....and then the conversation went like this:
Her: sorry you can't use someone else's card
Me: oh no this is my card.......
**Awkward Silence ensues**
Her....finally....: Oh, doesn't look like you at all
Me: yeah I had weight loss surgery and I've lost a lot of weight
Her: oh......yeah.....ummm......wow....you need a new picture
You want to remember these fun things......document them, take note. They make you feel amazing about yourself and they are what you will want to look back on down the road if you ever need some motivation to get back on track. This and photos, take lots and lots of photos, both before (even though I know you don't want to) and lots as you get smaller!
My list of NSV's in the last 2 years - those I can easily remember but I'm sure there's more.......hence why I say document this shit!!:
- I can comfortably cross my legs when I sit
- I can sit with my legs crossed (folded) under me like a little kid at the movie theatre
- My shorts I bought in Australia in 2004 that haven't fit me since then when I finally tried them on again were way to big for me and I had to get rid of them
- My little black dress I bought many years ago finally fits and looks amazing btw
- For the first time in my life, I can totally rock short hair
- I have gone from an XL/XXL to a medium and from a size 20/22 to a 10.......one pair of pants I have is even a freakin 6
- I don't sweat just trying on clothes any more
- I went to Mexico in November and actually bought myself.....and wore, a bikini top with my board shorts
- Was actually called "A bag of bones"......not sure if I should have been offended but I was like "Fuck yeah, thank you!!"
- Have been told numerous times at stores that I'm "Slim" and that I'm grabbing sizes that are way too big for me.......it really IS a huge mind shift when you're used to grabbing XXL or size 22 and all of a sudden you're getting M/L or 10/12 and having to ask them to bring you even smaller stuff
- My dad (who was always worried about my weight and health) told me how proud he was of me and how healthy I was looking
- I was finally able to fit into beautiful knee high boots that weren't wide calf.....now I own three pairs of stunning knee high boots
- Finally fulfilled my goal of one day owning "Silver Jeans"......yes they make them in bigger sizes but I was determined to own them in a smaller size before I ever forked out that much money for them.
- I can now shop at the stores that I used to call the small girl stores and was secretly envious of
- I said hi to my old boss and he didn't recognize me
- My own Aunt didn't even recognize me at my Dad's funeral
Ahhh yes, now we get to the point when I started gaining again......Dad and Dad's funeral.
You might remember from earlier posts that my Dad had Cancer. Well he ended up making the decision to have his bladder and prostate removed to try to get rid of the cancer that was there but unfortunately it didn't work and the cancer was extremely aggressive and metastasized and shortly after his surgery he went downhill really fast and passed away in December 2015.
So as I mentioned I was down to my lowest of 141 lbs. by November 2015 and by that point I started spending a lot of time with Dad as his surgery was coming up and then both in and out of hospitals and then on December 2, 2015, the hardest day in my life so far, he passed.
This was a blow, but not only did I have to deal with that but a month later in January 2016 my Grama (his mom) passed as well.
Then a few month's later in May 2016 my dad's amazing girlfriend of many year's, Rachel, passed..........
.........and in June my uncle passed of a degenerative disease he had been battling for quite some time
Then to top all of the heartache off, on August 1, 2016 my cat Moo, my constant companion of 19 years passed.
That's a lot of death and heartache in 8 months. Anyone who knows me knows that I am NO stranger to death......I added it up recently and stopped counting when I got lost at 26 family members and close friends that have passed in my life, so trust me when I say I'm not a stranger to it, but these ones hit me especially hard. Like pretty much tore me apart.
This would be about when my weight started rising.....shocker eh? One death after the other and I was back to smoking cigarettes and eating whatever the fuck was in front of me. I wasn't smoking a LOT per se but whenever I was away from the house I would smoke, so at work, out with friends, out in my car driving around. Anyways I was at about 5-7 per day and was taking Wellbutrin daily to combat the desire to smoke. It was working as I wasn't smoking a full pack a day or anything but really? Did I want to be taking Wellbutrin every day for the rest of my life just so I could continue to smoke those 5-7 smokes per day? No.
So, now 5 weeks ago I went and saw a psychotherapist regarding the smoking. A friend saw him and he hypnotized her and voila she's cured so he could do the same for me right? Well I went and saw him and apparently I'm way more of a fuckin mess than her cause no hypnotherapy for me and a whole whack of follow up appointments booked but hey, let's see if it helps right?.......I mean I always did know I was a mess lmao........
Well just before that first appointment I smoked the last one I had in my pack and after that first appointment where I left in tears and feeling like shit (why did I go back you may ask?) I didn't stop and buy any and now I have been smoke free for 5 weeks yesterday.......37 whole days man. They say a habit can be broken in 21 days so maybe I'm on my way. I just have to remember I did quit once before....for 3 years and was still dumb enough to start again so I have to remember that and not even have that one drag when I'm stressed next time.
Okay but back to the eating........so I'm now eating whatever the fuck I want and smoking and now all of a sudden I'm NOT smoking so I'm eating EVEN MORE of whatever the fuck I want. Of course I couldn't eat much at a time so I didn't really give a thought to the fact that it wasn't healthy but really Penny? Dairy Milk (mmmmmmm) and Ruffles (oh Ruffles are my favourite), and those little dinner rolls (oh god those are so good)......see where I'm going with this?
I couldn't eat a lot at a time but for some reason even though things like rice I can't tolerate more than 2 or 3 spoonful's in a sitting before I want to puke, the Dairy Milk and chips, my little Sleeve Austin (my tummy) it seems can handle in immense proportions. I'm also back to mindlessly drinking whenever I eat, oh and I drink pop......diet but still.....remember pop in any form is a big no no because of the carbonation. Well once you're two years out and can stomach everything again and are having some shitty months where everyone is dying you don't really give a shit at the time and absolutely anything AND EVERYTHING starts going back into your feed hole and you completely forget that at one point you were 233 lbs. Or I should say I didn't EVER forget being that big but it just seemed like I couldn't possibly ever get back to that point now right? So what does it matter?
Well little by little the weight started to come back until last week at 151 lbs...... yep that's 10 lbs. gained.......so TWO of these blobs of fat she's holding above........I decided enough was enough.
I've been doing some research on the Keto Diet. If you haven't heard of it, it's essentially what we are already supposed to eat (high protein, low carb) but you also throw in high fat whereas with our surgery moderate fat is recommended.
Post Surgery Diet Recommendations:
Protein: 100 grams
Fat: 25-50 grams
Carbs: 30-50 grams
Keto Diet Calculated Recommendations:
Protein: 73 grams
Fat: 72 grams
Carbs: 25 grams
So you see, higher fats and lower carbs. You can eat higher protein and higher fats and adjust them individually up or down as needed as long as you don't go up in carbs.
Okay so maybe it's a fad, who knows, but it's one that is taking HUNDREDS of pounds off of people and fairly quickly.
In theory I have 21 lbs. I would like to lose so I'm going to work on this way of eating for a while and see how it goes. Essentially it's getting rids of sugars and bad carbs in order to just eat healthier overall.
Ketogenic Diet
Day 1: Monday was a bust I'll admit. I did amazing all day and then when I got home, while making dinner I went in the pantry and ate two granola bars and some rice.......ummmmmm take 2 tomorrow......
Day 2: Tuesday. Hmmmmm today was actually good, I wasn't super hungry like I normally am although I drank SO MUCH water that I literally peed every half hour all day. But I know from experience that this will lessen so I just have to keep at it.
Day 3: Wednesday (Today): So far so good. I feel full, not hungry and AM eating foods I like, chicken, eggs, bacon, celery with peanut butter mmmmmmm.
Okay let's see how this goes. I know I'm strong, mind over matter baby.....no smoking for 37 days now and a new way of eating to get myself back on track.
I CAN DO THIS.............
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